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ted weed

Ted 2012

Stars: Mark Wahlberg, Mila Kunis, Seth MacFarlane, Joel McHale
Genre: Comedy, Fantasy
Rating: R
Runtime: 106 minutes

Ted:
Oh hey listen, try this, I told my weed guy to step it up and he gave me that. [Ted passes a bong to John] .

John:
What is this?

Ted:
It’s called “Mind Rape”, it’s actually pretty mellow.

John:
It doesn’t sound very mellow.

Ted:
Well he only had three other batches: “Gorilla Panic”, “They’re coming! They’re coming!” and something called “This Is Permanent”. Go on, spark it up!

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A great memorable quote from the Ted movie on Quotes.net – Ted: Oh hey listen, try this, I told my weed guy to step it up and he gave me that. [Ted passes a bong to John] .John: What is this?Ted: It’s called

Amanda Seyfried: Samantha

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Quotes

Ted : What’s your middle name?

Ted : Oh, my God! You’re Sam L. Jackson!

John : That’s great! I mean, just like Sam L. Jackson.

Ted : You ever seen any movie ever? He’s the black guy.

Ted : Oh my God, John, did you see that? She was totally giving you the “fuck me” eyes.

Ted : She was giving you the “fuck me” eyes.

Samantha Jackson : What are the “fuck me” eyes?

Ted : Yeah, it’s just some women just have “fuck me” eyes.

Samantha Jackson : Do I have “fuck me” eyes?

Ted : No, you have “Give me the ring, my precious” eyes.

Samantha Jackson : Alright, I’ve got ‘Dred Scott v. Sandford’, ‘Plessy v. Ferguson’, and ‘Brown v. The Board of Education’.

John : I got ‘Kramer vs. Kramer’, ‘Alien vs. Predator’, and ‘Freddy vs. Jason’.

Ted : I got, uh, ‘Earnest Goes to Camp’, ‘Earnest Goes to Jail’, and ‘The Importance of Being Earnest’ which was very disappointing.

Samantha Jackson : Hi, have any of you guys seen a talking teddy bear, he.

Comic-Con Fan : [interrupts] Shh! They’re about to announce the new Superman.

Film Executive : The new Superman is. Jonah Hill!

Samantha Jackson : All right, I’m going to ask you these test questions. Are you ready?

Ted : Yup, bring it on.

Samantha Jackson : Do you consider yourself to be human?

Samantha Jackson : You know, the witness can’t object.

Ted : Stop beavering the witness.

Ted : We could totally be lawyers.

Judge : Ms. Jackson please control your client or I will hold you both in contempt of court.

Ted : Oh, piss off! All right? I’m standing up for me, and I’m standing up for the homos! We deserve respect!

[Ted begins to play Angry birds on his iPhone]

Samantha Jackson : Ted, do you love your wife?

Shep Wild : Objection. She’s not his wife. The marriage was annulled.

Samantha Jackson : I’ll rephrase. Do you love Tami-Lynn?

Ted : I love my *wife*. Okay, my wife. More than anything in the world. We’re married, I don’t care what anybody says.

Samantha Jackson : Can either of you tell me who wrote the Great Gatsby?

John : Well, why are you saying “fuck him”?

Ted : You just said Eff Scott Fitzgerald. I mean, what would Scott Fitzgerald do to you?

Samantha Jackson : No, that’s his first name.

Ted : His name’s Fuck Scott Fitzgerald?

John : Well, what does the F stand for?

Ted : No, it’s got to be Fuck. It’s got to be Fuck.

John : It must be Fuck. It has to be Fuck.

Samantha Jackson : Why the hell would it be “Fuck”?

John : Well, ‘cuz otherwise, why wouldn’t he just say it?

Ted : Yeah, he’s hiding something. It’s Fuck. It’s Fuck. It’s Fuck.

John : It’s Fuck. It’s Fuck.

Samantha Jackson : That’s completely insane. You guys are idiots.

Ted : Yeah, well, whatever. Ted Clubberlang, get used to it.

Ted : That weed is really good. It reminds me of the strain I smoked last summer called “Here Comes Autism.”

John : Yeah, I was just gonna say it’s sort of like this other batch we had called. “How Long Has That Van Been There?”

Samantha Jackson : No, it’s this new strain my dealer gave me called “Help Me Get Home.”

Samantha Jackson : [Unrated version] I love New York.

John : Yeah, there’s no bullshit with these people.

Ted : Yeah, you always know who you’re dealing with in New York.

[Out the car window, to a group]

[the groups says hello back]

Samantha Jackson : [Alternate scene] Can either of you tell me what happened in World War I?

John : Yeah. I mean, the whole world was fighting.

Ted : It’s a lot of anger. A lot of anger.

John : A lot of people died.

Ted : Too many, if you ask me.

Samantha Jackson : Where did it take place?

John : All over the world.

Ted : Thus, World War I.

John : And that was the first one.

Samantha Jackson : You guys need to get fucking educated!

[Samantha smokes weed on a penis-shaped bong]

John : Please tell me that’s not the only bong you brought on this trip.

Ted : Yeah, Sam. This, this puts us in a kind of awkward position here. I mean, we wanna get high too.

John : I don’t have any papers or nothing.

Samantha Jackson : Is this hilarious? I got it at a bachelorette party.

Samantha Jackson : It’s so stupid. Here, try it.

John : I don’t wanna put a big glass cock in my mouth.

Samantha Jackson : Oh, you think this is big?

Ted : [laughing] Johnny, you walked right into that one, pal.

Ted : Right. You see the thing is, we don’t wanna take any chances, because the stakes are so significant.

John : We can’t rush into anything. We got to make sure we’re making the right decision.

Ted : We really appreciate your time, but what we’re probably gonna do is.

[Samantha takes a hit from bong]

Ted : just take a seat and get to work.

John : Trust you completely.

Ted : We really feel you got a lot to offer.

Samantha Jackson : Sorry you don’t mind the pot,do you? I get migraines.

John : Oh absolutely. Me too.

Ted : That’s fine. I’m gonna get a huge migraine in the parking lot in about 20 minuets.

[Ted and John roam around the forest to pick up firewood when John notices a marijuana leaf]

[John sniffs the leaf]

John : Holy shit! Hey, Ted! You know what this is? It’s Super Lemon Haze.

[Ted turns around and is amazed by what he sees while he walks towards John]

John : It’s a really rare strain. It’s a cross between Lemon Skunk and Super Silver Haze. It’s totally potent. I mean, I’ve only had it once in my life and it was one of the best highs I ever had. What the hell is a leaf of that stuff doing outin the middle of a.

[Ted grabs John’s head and has him look to the right. John gets up and is astonished by the sight of marijuana crops in front of him]

John : Dear God! Dear God in heaven!

Ted : It’s so beautiful!

Samantha Jackson : No words. No words. They should’ve sent a poet.

Ted : They’re moving in herds. They do move in herds.

Третий лишний 2 (2015) Amanda Seyfried as Samantha