Stars: Mark Wahlberg, Mila Kunis, Seth MacFarlane, Joel McHale
Genre: Comedy, Fantasy
Runtime: 106 minutes
Oh hey listen, try this, I told my weed guy to step it up and he gave me that. [Ted passes a bong to John] .
What is this?
It’s called “Mind Rape”, it’s actually pretty mellow.
It doesn’t sound very mellow.
Well he only had three other batches: “Gorilla Panic”, “They’re coming! They’re coming!” and something called “This Is Permanent”. Go on, spark it up!
Share your thoughts on this Ted’s quote with the community:
We’re doing our best to make sure our content is useful, accurate and safe.
If by any chance you spot an inappropriate comment while navigating through our website please use this form to let us know, and we’ll take care of it shortly.
A great memorable quote from the Ted movie on Quotes.net – Ted: Oh hey listen, try this, I told my weed guy to step it up and he gave me that. [Ted passes a bong to John] .John: What is this?Ted: It’s called
Amanda Seyfried: Samantha
Ted : What’s your middle name?
Ted : Oh, my God! You’re Sam L. Jackson!
John : That’s great! I mean, just like Sam L. Jackson.
Ted : You ever seen any movie ever? He’s the black guy.
Ted : Oh my God, John, did you see that? She was totally giving you the “fuck me” eyes.
Ted : She was giving you the “fuck me” eyes.
Samantha Jackson : What are the “fuck me” eyes?
Ted : Yeah, it’s just some women just have “fuck me” eyes.
Samantha Jackson : Do I have “fuck me” eyes?
Ted : No, you have “Give me the ring, my precious” eyes.
Samantha Jackson : Alright, I’ve got ‘Dred Scott v. Sandford’, ‘Plessy v. Ferguson’, and ‘Brown v. The Board of Education’.
John : I got ‘Kramer vs. Kramer’, ‘Alien vs. Predator’, and ‘Freddy vs. Jason’.
Ted : I got, uh, ‘Earnest Goes to Camp’, ‘Earnest Goes to Jail’, and ‘The Importance of Being Earnest’ which was very disappointing.
Samantha Jackson : Hi, have any of you guys seen a talking teddy bear, he.
Comic-Con Fan : [interrupts] Shh! They’re about to announce the new Superman.
Film Executive : The new Superman is. Jonah Hill!
Samantha Jackson : All right, I’m going to ask you these test questions. Are you ready?
Ted : Yup, bring it on.
Samantha Jackson : Do you consider yourself to be human?
Samantha Jackson : You know, the witness can’t object.
Ted : Stop beavering the witness.
Ted : We could totally be lawyers.
Judge : Ms. Jackson please control your client or I will hold you both in contempt of court.
Ted : Oh, piss off! All right? I’m standing up for me, and I’m standing up for the homos! We deserve respect!
[Ted begins to play Angry birds on his iPhone]
Samantha Jackson : Ted, do you love your wife?
Shep Wild : Objection. She’s not his wife. The marriage was annulled.
Samantha Jackson : I’ll rephrase. Do you love Tami-Lynn?
Ted : I love my *wife*. Okay, my wife. More than anything in the world. We’re married, I don’t care what anybody says.
Samantha Jackson : Can either of you tell me who wrote the Great Gatsby?
John : Well, why are you saying “fuck him”?
Ted : You just said Eff Scott Fitzgerald. I mean, what would Scott Fitzgerald do to you?
Samantha Jackson : No, that’s his first name.
Ted : His name’s Fuck Scott Fitzgerald?
John : Well, what does the F stand for?
Ted : No, it’s got to be Fuck. It’s got to be Fuck.
John : It must be Fuck. It has to be Fuck.
Samantha Jackson : Why the hell would it be “Fuck”?
John : Well, ‘cuz otherwise, why wouldn’t he just say it?
Ted : Yeah, he’s hiding something. It’s Fuck. It’s Fuck. It’s Fuck.
John : It’s Fuck. It’s Fuck.
Samantha Jackson : That’s completely insane. You guys are idiots.
Ted : Yeah, well, whatever. Ted Clubberlang, get used to it.
Ted : That weed is really good. It reminds me of the strain I smoked last summer called “Here Comes Autism.”
John : Yeah, I was just gonna say it’s sort of like this other batch we had called. “How Long Has That Van Been There?”
Samantha Jackson : No, it’s this new strain my dealer gave me called “Help Me Get Home.”
Samantha Jackson : [Unrated version] I love New York.
John : Yeah, there’s no bullshit with these people.
Ted : Yeah, you always know who you’re dealing with in New York.
[Out the car window, to a group]
[the groups says hello back]
Samantha Jackson : [Alternate scene] Can either of you tell me what happened in World War I?
John : Yeah. I mean, the whole world was fighting.
Ted : It’s a lot of anger. A lot of anger.
John : A lot of people died.
Ted : Too many, if you ask me.
Samantha Jackson : Where did it take place?
John : All over the world.
Ted : Thus, World War I.
John : And that was the first one.
Samantha Jackson : You guys need to get fucking educated!
[Samantha smokes weed on a penis-shaped bong]
John : Please tell me that’s not the only bong you brought on this trip.
Ted : Yeah, Sam. This, this puts us in a kind of awkward position here. I mean, we wanna get high too.
John : I don’t have any papers or nothing.
Samantha Jackson : Is this hilarious? I got it at a bachelorette party.
Samantha Jackson : It’s so stupid. Here, try it.
John : I don’t wanna put a big glass cock in my mouth.
Samantha Jackson : Oh, you think this is big?
Ted : [laughing] Johnny, you walked right into that one, pal.
Ted : Right. You see the thing is, we don’t wanna take any chances, because the stakes are so significant.
John : We can’t rush into anything. We got to make sure we’re making the right decision.
Ted : We really appreciate your time, but what we’re probably gonna do is.
[Samantha takes a hit from bong]
Ted : just take a seat and get to work.
John : Trust you completely.
Ted : We really feel you got a lot to offer.
Samantha Jackson : Sorry you don’t mind the pot,do you? I get migraines.
John : Oh absolutely. Me too.
Ted : That’s fine. I’m gonna get a huge migraine in the parking lot in about 20 minuets.
[Ted and John roam around the forest to pick up firewood when John notices a marijuana leaf]
[John sniffs the leaf]
John : Holy shit! Hey, Ted! You know what this is? It’s Super Lemon Haze.
[Ted turns around and is amazed by what he sees while he walks towards John]
John : It’s a really rare strain. It’s a cross between Lemon Skunk and Super Silver Haze. It’s totally potent. I mean, I’ve only had it once in my life and it was one of the best highs I ever had. What the hell is a leaf of that stuff doing outin the middle of a.
[Ted grabs John’s head and has him look to the right. John gets up and is astonished by the sight of marijuana crops in front of him]
John : Dear God! Dear God in heaven!
Ted : It’s so beautiful!
Samantha Jackson : No words. No words. They should’ve sent a poet.
Ted : They’re moving in herds. They do move in herds.
Третий лишний 2 (2015) Amanda Seyfried as Samantha