My Boyfriend Ran Out Of Weed And I Found Out That I Hate Him
Ever since I’ve known Eric, he’s been stoned. I can’t picture Eric without a joint in his hand, a bong in his lap, or a bowl in his mouth. That’s my loving boyfriend, the stoner! Things were going great in the relationship–we lived together, his marijuana blog was really blowing up, and an engagement was pending. But then, it happened. They called it “the worst snowstorm to hit New York City since that last really bad one that we called the worst.” The streets were closed. We were trapped in our apartment. And Eric ran out of weed.
Modern guys just aren’t cutting it for me.
There I was, stuck inside, with a completely different Eric. It was like Dr. Jekyll and Mr. High. (Except the reverse. Whatever, it isn’t the BEST analogy, but you get the point.) I’d only known Mr. High: He was goofy, sleepy, forgetful and lazy. Most of our days began with a breakfast-at-noon pizza followed by a delivery of burgers and fries soon after. Eric logs into his Seamless app and a parade of delivery men ensue. I rolled into the living room at noon, expecting a meat lovers pizza to greet me, but instead, Eric was there, eating some eggs he’d scrambled. “Oh, I was up and hungry. Figured you could find your own food.” I was shocked he knew where the frying pan even was. Or the stove. Or knew how to scramble eggs. Yes, I could find my own food, but I was dating him, so I didn’t have to!
I learned a lot about Eric that day. I had no idea that his interests spanned beyond weed. And let me tell you, I wish I never had to find that out. Apparently, Eric has a lot of environmental concerns, as well as some strong feelings on women’s rights. Eric without weed is like a normal person on cocaine. SUPER CHATTY. I tried to take my usual nap and yet his rambling made it impossible. He not only talked about recycling, he actually started picking up all our empty bottles to recycle them. I was pissed when I realized all my empty Poland Spring bottles were gone. What was I supposed to do then? I’d saved those for years. His suggestion to buy a reusable water bottle that I’d have to WASH was the most insane thing I’d ever heard him say. Yeah, like I’m ever going to make an effort to clean a water bottle. Maybe I’ll even get real dishes and wash those too. What an idiot.
My patience was getting real thin as the day wore on. I’d never had to take Eric, fully conscious, for more than about an hour. He spent most of his days sleeping and now that I think about it, most of his nights too. I literally couldn’t take his awakeness. I texted every weed dealer I knew and no one would trudge through the snow to save me. So, I tried turning on the television to distract him. I put on our favorite movie: Harold & Kumar Go to White Castle. He asked if we could instead watch An Inconvenient Truth. “Are you kidding me?” I asked. “You love Harold & Kumar! What about the scene where those two hot girls play Battleshits?! That makes us laugh our asses off.” And you know what Eric said? “Farting isn’t that funny, it’s kind of gross.” Gross!? Who was this nightmare?!
The snow kept coming, Eric kept talking, and I was on the verge of having a nervous breakdown. Every time he spoke, I felt like spiders were biting me: a slow torture. He wouldn’t sit still. He grabbed the vacuum and started aggressively pushing it back and forth across the floor. I was about to explode. I finally understood all those women on “Snapped.” I full-on hated Eric. But then, something amazing happened.
You may even call it a miracle. Something got stuck in his vacuum. What? You guessed it: A dimebag of the most beautiful nug I’ve ever seen. That weed saved our relationship. Eric got high and yes, we are still together to this day, now living in Los Angeles, where weed is legal and snowstorms never happen.
That's right—my boyfriend ran out of weed and it became abundantly clear that not only do we not have a single thing in common, but I kinda hate him.
What Do You Do When You Run Out Of Weed? Stoner Scavenger Hacks!
Run out of weed and need a hit? Try these Stoner Scavenger Hacks
Stoner Scavenger Hacks – What to do when you run out of weed
We’ve all been there; those un-fortuitous dry moments before your next stash. For many tokers these are dire moments indeed. However, for the out-of-the-box stoner there are ways to find a toke to carry you over.
In the next section I’ll be talking about some of the most known and unknown stoner scavenger hacks to track down a toke when you find yourself in a dry spell. Some of the hacks listed in here will require a minimal level of effort to achieve, but can come in handy when you’re left high and dry.
Digging in the Resin Pit
This is usually the first stop for a scavenger stoner on the quest to get baked. When your favorite pipe gets used time and time again, it builds up resin that can get you high. Note however that this isn’t a pure high, and probably not too good for your health either. You’re essentially smoking residue from past bowls. It won’t taste good either.
However, when you’re in a jam and need to take the edge off, scraping the bowl of your favorite pipe might be your only salvation. I typically have a few pipes I leave uncleaned just for that special occasion and many times it carried me for a few days. Obviously, you’ll have to ration your rez hits, but if you have nothing better…it definitely will get the job done.
The Roach Graveyard
Joint smoking is probably one of the quickest ways to deplete your stash, however it also provides you with the opportunity to create a Roach Graveyard. Instead of trying to hit that roach until it croaks, you should put it in a jar for later use. If you collect enough roaches by the time you run out of weed, you could easily roll a few joints.
While the taste isn’t the most satisfying, a resurrected roach joint will most definitely get you high. The high is a bit different but there have been many times when I got totally zonked on one of these doobies.
More importantly you can save the recycled roach in a different jar and create a second generation of roaches. A bunch of buddies and I played a game we called “Generations” where we would keep on piling on new generations of roaches by smoking a joint from the previous generation. At the end of a long and hazy summer we reached 21 generations deep. It might not sound like much, but we smoked thousands of joints that summer. Those were the days when we had nothing to do and a whole lot of time. Nowadays I stick to my vaporizer.
Smoking vaped weed won’t really do anything to do, however you can make a butter or a warm milk from it that will do the trick. Totally a different high and definitely not the best tasting, this “scarce time backup” works only for those who vape regularly.
For the milk, simply add the vaped weed into a container and boil it for a bit. Be sure to mix it well and then you strain out the solid matter. Pinch your nose and drink that baby. You won’t get super high, but you will definitely have a good night’s rest.
To make the butter you simply need to melt it all together and strain later. To be honest I only tried butter once and it was okay, the milk was way more effective.
Every stoner should have a grinder. If you’re not collecting kief you’re missing out on some amazing hits. I typically wait at least a month before I dip into the kief catcher. You could pipe it or you could bong it, but rest assured that this is one solid hit.
If you haven’t smoked in a while, this hit will send you to the moon. I have had to sit down and center myself after bong ripping a massive kief bowl. It’s definitely something you want to save for your “rainy day stash”
The Full Grinder Scrub
I discovered this method after I was dry for a few weeks. I was low on cash and didn’t want to spend on weed just yet. You see, for me weed is a commodity and at times, when I have to budget, I’ll go without ganja for a bit. This is when I typically pull out my Scavenger hacks to get me though those dry spells.
I usually followed all the above mentioned methods but only recently discovered an untapped resource I have been ignoring for years.
One day, when I was dry and depleted my kief stash, I was scrounging for some weed in my grinder. While there was very little “leafy-ness” to be found, I did notice that all the blades of my grinder was covered in a thick coat of hash.
Like a surgeon I went and started scraping off the hash from each blade. By the time I finished the inner circle of grinder blades, I had accumulated enough hash for two bowls. I haven’t cleaned my grinder in months and smoked plenty of great weed throughout those months, I was shocked to find that from my grinder lid I managed to smoke for four days.
This was by far my favorite method to scavenge for weed because the quality is high, the taste is good and the effect long lasting. Couple this with some kief, and you got yourself a very decent bake session.
Think of your future self
Most people don’t ever consider the days that they won’t have weed. By simply conducting some easy preservation tactics, you could have a rainy day stash to carry you over the dry seasons.
In the next section I’ll be talking about some of the most known and unknown stoner scavenger hacks to track down a toke when you find yourself in a dry…