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How does Marijuana affect your Relationship?
How Marijuana Can Affect Relationships
The impact marijuana can have on relationships remains to be a very controversial topic. Some hold the view that the two can never go hand in hand. Instead, they mix as well as dynamite and match; very explosive with widespread and far-reaching effects. While others believe that marijuana has no negative effects on relationships. In their view, it spices things up. This article, though not intended to hit at any side in favor of another, has captured nothing but the truth on how marijuana affects relationships from both schools of thought.
Success in any relationship calls for love, trust and compromise. In addition, it also requires the couple to be free of substance abuse and addiction in all of its forms. In this context we are discussing marijuana ABUSE. I invite you to be open minded in this topic and not stay in the category of black and white thinking. Not everyone who smokes pot will abuse it or become addicted to it.
Pot smoking, like any substance, may seem innocent, harmless and even fun for some at the very outset. Though the habit initially kicks off as a way of establishing identity or possibly freedom of expression, it can eventually lead users down the path to ruin and destruction in any love relationship. It can set one’s life in a downward spiral that ultimately robs them of everything they value as far as love and relationship are concerned. Unfortunately, marijuana has become widely accepted and debatably legalized in many modern societies.
How does marijuana affect your love life?
Having counseled many couples on relationship matters over the years, I hold as true the opinion that the abuse of pot can actually minimize progress and growth in relationships. Marijuana abuse can directly impact:
- Personal life and friendship
- Intimacy and commitments
- family life and responsibilities
Personal life and friendship
If pot smoking ultimately turns habitual and addictive, the victim ceases to be himself or herself. The drug moves in and completely takes over such an unsuspecting soul. In no time, such an individual becomes consumed by social anxiety and paranoia.
At this stage, the pot addict is more likely to be introverted and neglected, even by close friends and confidants. Of course being high kind of redefines their brand of friends; they associate more with a clique of other addicts trapped in the same habit of pot smoking. These are the kind of friends that only sink them deeper in their abyss of frustrations. Essentially, the addict loses touch with reality and reason.
Intimacy and commitments
In love life, intimacy is very critical. In fact, according to some studies, it is the glue that holds the relationship together longer. By its very nature, intimacy is about partners being able to see into each other. Precisely, intimacy guarantees a clear perception of an individual’s feelings as well as their partner’s.
Marijuana in a relationship acts contrary to this feeling. Though critics suggest it heightens intimacy, this substance is in fact insidious and dangerous in your relationship. The “sacred herb,” as some erroneously call it, is a mood-killer when abused and only detaches you from your own as well as your partner’s feelings. Besides, weed shortens memory and makes honoring commitments in a relationship quite the nightmare.
Family life and responsibilities
Whenever a recreational drug like marijuana turns addictive, cravings for the same makes one forget everything else but the pot. Abdication of duties and responsibilities in the family typically sets in at this stage. Real addicts are never worried about the welfare of their children or spouse. Not in the slightest. They live in denial, isolation and over time becomes overtly defensive of their actions. It is no surprise that such individuals resort to verbal attacks if questioned about any of their unbecoming behaviors.
The drug-free partner in a relationship that is bedeviled by marijuana suffers more psychological traumas than the addict. Such partners may at times feel betrayed, tricked or even short changed in the relationship. This often develops into self-blame; taking unnecessary responsibility for the addicted partner’s way of life. This might then degenerate into jealousy, rage and self judgement, the real ingredients of depression.
Ironically, if asked if they still love their spouse in the relationship, the addict is often quick to respond in the affirmative. Their continued use of pot is evidence to the contrary though.
Marijuana and emotions
Emotionally, pot smokers are not themselves. Research findings indicate that as one uses drugs time and again, likely the case with marijuana addicts, their emotional tone plummets lower and lower. Unless they are high, such individuals know not much happiness and pleasures in life. Such a twisted perspective ends up draining life in any relationship. In some cases the couple may call it quits and part ways, just like that. In some rare cases though, the pot-free partner may have the nerve and patience to wait and just hope for the best – a day when the love of their life will finally stop the bad habit. Success rate for such cases is often very slim because the addiction often turns chronic over time. Most of the patient pot-free partners end-up depressed and frustrated without the intervention of specialists like psychotherapists and psychologists.
How to recover from marijuana addiction
Clearly, marijuana and relationships are immiscible. The good news however is that marijuana addiction as a condition can be reversed. Various effective recovery programs are in place for the same. These programs remake the addict anew so that they once again come into the light. With well-thought-out alternatives, these programs helps clients regain a brighter outlook on life as a whole, integrity and self-respect. This way, they can once again love and be loved back.
To the drug free partner in the relationship, patience is of the essence. Give your partner time to shed off the bad habit. If the addict remains defiant and unappreciative of your patience then consider exploring other options like:
- seeking help from a psychotherapist
The second option should come last; only upon exploring all available options and all concerted efforts rendered futile. Though this therapy is known to shock drug users into reality, it is likely to impact negatively on kids, if there are any. So, settle for divorce only if your partner’s marijuana addiction condition deteriorates and becomes so much over the top or is clearly on the brink of spinning out of control.
23 thoughts on “ How does Marijuana affect your Relationship? ”
Excellent article. Helped to read what I clearly felt in a very passionate 10 month relationship. Knowing nothing about marijuana use I began to see mood changes, irritability, outbursts that were unjustified…..and I was beginning to feel anger. I kept saying “I don’t understand “. After our breakup…..I was blaming myself….now I realize…..I had nothing to do with it….my boyfriend is an addict. He smokes from the moment he wakes up til bed…and even in the middle of the night. I believe he tries to hide it from me some of the time. He denies that he has a problem and tells me and his family that I have an anger problem. I was starting to believe it until I got counseling. My heart hurts…because I love him and I miss him but, I cannot live with addiction.
Come on , its pot not heroin. I enjoyed the article, but you have “addiction” and a carving to get high on pot very mixed up. Heroin and crack is addictive, not marijuana.
You need to realize that marijuana is absolutely addictive. I’m living it and this article couldn’t be more correct.
you have clearly never lived with a weed addict. I used to be a user of heroin in ashamed to say but am now clean and have been for a long time. heroin is a physical and emotional addiction where as weed or whatever you want to call it is a mental addiction mostly, although if you have used It for a long time there will be physical symptoms eg can’t sleep, restlessness. my partner is constantly saying he is going to stop and he is vile if he hasn’t got it he becomes both physically and emotionally abusive to me so I have today ended our relationship. like the comment above it hurts a lot cos when he wasn’t using he was amazing. I have watched him loose everything and was determined to stay with him to support him but I cannot go on being his target when things go wrong seriously everything is my fault. sorry to rant but touched a nerve lol
To many people it is an addiction. Just because it may not be to you doesn’t mean others don’t suffer because of it and sadly it’s not usually the user who suffer.
the many years my husband, a medical doctor was completely sober he was happy, putting Jesus first; our marriage very happy and normal….. we did so many things together, travel, mutual and separate friends, sports, praying together….. after a knee surgery near retirement ;pain meds got the whole relapse started…. he made some efforts with rehab and AA…. so many problems….. no sex, near overdoses, he isolated behind locked doors for days…..Dr. Jeckyl turned to Mr. Hyde….. I did everything Al-Anon suggest and continued to have a great life of my own with friends and family and sports………. still a lonely marriage and the heartache that he would return to the sober person…… then he got the bright idea to move to Oregon near his brother who was always an addict and violent toward his wife and children…. totally self centered brother….. “POT WON’T KILL ME” the paranoia and anger blaming me for things that were not true…..His text messages came to his I pad at home during the separation….. all he and his brother discussed was POT…. “GREAT I FOUND SO GREAT POT…. THE COMATOSE KIND……GREAT TO LIVE STONED….. THE COLORS ARE SO BEAUTIFUL… ONE WITH THE UNIVERSE….. SENDING POT TO A RELATIVE BY UPS….(FINE OF $100,000 OR ONE YEAR IMPRISONMENT IF CAUGHT)… DRIVING UNDER THE INFLUENCE” . God forbid he doesn’t kill someone with DUI….. at least with the other drugs he wasn’t endangering others as he slept all the time….. Regretfully the divorce is finalized… I miss the sober him….. it seemed that the behavior and paranoia of pot was worse that the other drugs, but all killed the marriage…..Maybe part of his problem as a medical doctor “the drugs are like antidepressants, they make me happy” he is far from happy… maybe when high he feels happy but ozoned with others….. he is in denial that his moods are so bad…. he has isolated….. his only friend is his addicted brother, they sit around cursing and blaming ….(according to accidental texts sent to me) now I have to block all messages….when he was sober he never needed antidepressants….. the drugs cause depression, esp when they wear off….He has enlarged salivary glands( 2 inches) from pot, he at first thought he had cancer. I pray that he gets sober someday…. I could not wait for him… 4 years plus the 2 years of separation that i had to take care of selling the house and handle all the finances…It took 2 years to untangle all the financial ….. It is a miracle that was any money left over to split…..
Yeah. Spot on. I reaquainted with a man on FB I knew from my teens. He is in his early 60s now. He visited me for a week, not using
any while we were together. It was an a wonderful reunuon andawesome visit. He was attentive and focused on us. Now he has returned to Texas and making up for all the toking his missed outon. Now he does not return texts or have sense of urgency to talk as he did sober and clean. Pot is his lover
again. He is an addict. He does not realize
that is is short circuiting his once ability to give his full passion and feel the joy of a woman’s
He will one day be alone and wonder why.
same my partner lives away from me in Essex (I’m in uk) and his last visit was good purely because he had weed everyday. now his home like you said he don’t reply to texts n completely ignores anything deep tbh all he talks about is online games!!
excellent article for unaware non pot smoking partner. helped me with understanding/healing after leaving. thank you
I read this over and over when I really need to remind myself that the kids and I are worth more than pot, that it’s not our relationship, but a serious and all but hopeless situation. To remind myself it’s not me. To remind myself that my partner is simply in love with weed.
Sorry to be blunt but you and your kids deserve better. I’m speaking from experience. I stayed “for the kids” and I realize now we could’ve been much happier had I left.
I did not knoiw it was gonna spin out if control or t hat he would be SO ADDICTED TO IT AND IT WAS TO BE THEE MOST VALUE THING IN HIS LIFE & HE WOULD B LIVING 4 IT DAILY…. UNTIL IT WAS TOO LATE and the years flew by ….It DEFINITEY hurt our children I wish I would have known he could not give it up after 50yrs tbe damage hssbeendone i feel like it was my fault i allowed it now he would rather give me up in our old age
This is my life also. He retired early to pursue his dream of smoking pot everyday for the rest of his life. I can’t believe he screwed me over this way.in our old age. Very bleak future and divorce will lead to us both being poor. He sabotaged our marriage and I hate him for it.
OMG you sound like me…why don’t you just leave now? Better to live one day as a lion! I’m taking your comment to heart and pushing out of this horrible situation I’ve allowed myself to become entrenched in.
Thank you so much. I am the non smoker and I started tearing up when reading about being second place behind marijuana. It’s use blinds the user to reality and pushes down their emotions. The ups when getting high and the lows when coming down are barely bearable. I left the relationship when I saw the effects on our intimacy and how it could never be more. The inability of the love of my life to express herself was beyond frustration. Selfishness and irresponsibility and utter failure to communicate are just a way of life to the user. I just could not bear to watch her in her addiction any longer and all it’s consequences.
Wow, I am really relating to your comments Anthony. I have been with my partner for 10 years and what you said totally expresses my frustrations, sadness and anger. I truly feel disconnected to my partner because of his use and feel he doesn’t even care. This is the last chance he gets before I leave. Thank-you for sharing. It’s made me realize I’m not a crazy person.
Yes, I know I am second place to a “husband” who is addicted to marijuana, and he is. Sad for me that I have stayed for so long(waste of my life), and I feel so sad for him, knowing that I must leave. Just ghastly situation that, actually, nobody can understand unless they have experienced it. At the beginning, yes, I accepted the notion of not minding/being bothered about it – evidence of my “wonderful,generous” liberality ad tolerance. How naive I was. I need to get out of this relationship. It is an addiction, like alcoholism.
maybe you leaving will give him the kick up button he needs? I have split up from my long term partner today, he lives a few miles away so had to message but like it goes straight over his head but he will come dowe from his high see what he has lost and make a decision. I hope all goes well with you. don’t take no more shit u do not deserve it x
I was in an relationship with a girl who smoke everyday for years, i was an occasional smoker and used only for fun every now and then. when we got together i went to everyday use and i really did not think much about it. we were madly in love. we moved in together, life was great. i had a great job and earned a decent living so i did not even consider the financials of it all. We knew each other for a few years and always had a thing for each other and i knew her habits but never thought much of it as i liked it also. I have never had any mental issues in my life i need to add. so i was from overseas and we planned a trip, holiday of a lifetime. we left, excited as hell! got there after a few days and this was the moment i first came across another side to her. she was sad looking, distant, look concerned, i was even more concerned trying to figure it out and in turn my family were asking what was up? so strange. at this point i tried everything to make it a happy time and the weeks away were up n down and emotional highs and lows and it did piss me off as it was the holiday of a life time sort of thing. She literally could not wait to get home. once home we had a few days apart and i was in a world of confusion. so we got back into a normal routine, both smoking again and things were fine again. in love and stoned every night. then disaster struck when a family member became ill and i had to leave for two months and they painfully passed away. i did not smoke while away and it did not bother me. upon my return i had planned not to smoke but grief took over and i asked for one joint. From that point i smoked a lot, i worked hard, came home and smoked for the evening until bed, everyday for nine months, wake n bakes, trips away smoking from early morning. it was our life and we we spent every minute of it together. we declined social situations, we made no plans, we did not do anything. i was angry and not sleeping due to my loss. it was a bad place, an all time low but still the smoke. i did not feel anything real. so my dad decided after a year anniversary he wanted a holiday to come spend time with me. i came from a normal anti-drug family (my partner came from the opposite with both parents(separated) and substance abusers of all kinds) i decided then, that i need to clean my act up, i had less than three months. my partner did not want to stop and i did not ask her to. everything changed. she got angry at my will to kick it, i went into withdrawals, i did not sleep, i had nightmares, i started grieving majorly for the family loss. my partner started to turn against me and i became so so angry. she had to leave, i asked her to. it was during this time i realized the power and control pot has on the mind. it truly messes things up. no matter what the smokers say. once i got through my really sh*t time, things got better. my dad was coming, i was excited and all the while my ex was sad about the breakup and continued smoking as she had always done. i educated myself on pot and it became apparent that it was being used as an escape for me, it was also being used by my ex for depression, bad upbringing, insecurities,basically any stresses that came her way but most of all it was a massive addiction that dictated her life. i tried to talk to her about it but it never got through but we were still madly in love, i asked her to try again and we did. i did not smoke, she was respectful but it was not real and it affected intimacy and real feelings and willingness to plan and just basically grow the hell up. i slowly slipped into weekend use but then i became aware of old habits and stopped. i gave her the ultimatum and i feel bad about that as it is not the way but i realize that now. she broke it that night. i asked her to leave, she did and it ended badly. she continued to smoke, i stopped and went to gym, got healthy and strong minded. guess what? i still had the occasional smoke as it is something i enjoyed it but only every now and then. we got back together multiple times after this but now and for sometime we made a clean break from each other. during the last few times together i did not even talk of pot, i just left her to it. during these times i saw the dysfunctional behaviors of one who is controlled by a substance and yes its only pot, but it does matter, i know pot has tremendous influence on the mind. it ruins relationships when one is aware and one does not acknowledge the impact. i question ones ability to express love, it makes people selfish, it makes people make there own opinion without logic, they make arguments with themselves, they become negative and fixated on negatives from the past, it does not allow one to fight any form of depression or personality disorders, it kills motivation, it kills social interaction and communication, it alters the brain massively, etc,. these are my opinions and i am sure i am not the only person out there with these views in relation to pot and relationships.
My point – my story is pretty out there and i was dealing with someone who had a lot of issues but it is my way of telling someone that says ”its only pot” and ”pot is not addictive”, that they are a fool. it is only ever the smokers who vouch for it, want it to be legalized, tell you it is all OK, etc. they do not know until they kick it. real feelings are a gift!
Marijuana desensitizes or disconnects you from gentle feelings and understanding emotions. It can make you cold-hearted and when your significant other really needs you, you might not be there because you are blinded by pot. Another way this lighter drug can affect your relationship is that instead of you being there for the person, you are busy smoking in an alley. That precious moment can mean a make it or break it moment but instead you are too busy doping up. Another pointer; marijuana makes you misunderstand tenderness, especially that of a female. Women like colourful, soft, nice things. Marijuana allows a person to bear harsh realities of life, true but that also desensitizes you from what is bad or good like harsh language or aggressive behaviour. The whole purpose of drugs is for you to bear the difficulties of life.
Being in a relationship with a chronic user is awful. He is selfish, distant, ignorant, forgetful, neglectful, foolish, sarcastic, and hurtful. Do yourself a favor and don’t do it.
This article was very helpful. I hope that recreational marijuana use is NEVER legalized. It definitely destroys relationships and lives. I have been in a “relationship” with a chronic pot smoker and it has was hell!
I’m just going through it now and I’m heartbroken I’ve given ten years to a man that has made my life chaotic hurtful and constantly rejected. I’ll always love him but I couldn’t take anymore ….please if you don’t mind please exchange experiences it would help thankyou
How Marijuana Can Affect Relationships The impact marijuana can have on relationships remains to be a very controversial topic. Some hold the view that the two can never go hand in hand. Instead, they mix as well as dynamite and match; very explosive with widespread and far-reaching effects. While others believe that marijuana has no…
Two Years With a Weed Addict
Yes, there is such a thing
In his online dating profile, he described himself as “quirky”, and his photos confirmed this self-assessment. He was educated, and had no spelling or grammatical errors in his profile — a rarity in the online dating world. He was cute, and had fun hobbies.
We met at a bar by my place. He was a little late, and I was halfway through my first beer when he arrived — looking a bit scruffier than I expected. Perusing the dozens of beer taps, he inquired about the one that had 420 on it. They were out of that kind, so he settled on something else.
He randomly bounced from one subject to the next. And I was right about him being smart, as he seemed to have an encyclopedic knowledge of many things. I was intrigued. Second beers were ordered, after which we headed out for a bite to eat.
He was charming and sexy. Despite his occasional forgetfulness and propensity to be late, I was falling for him. Within a month, we were exchanging “ I love you”s.
We didn’t spend a lot of time together, since we both had busy schedules. When we did a have a date, he would always smoke a little pot, which was no big deal. I would sometimes have a little, but I’m a lightweight, and can barely function when I’m stoned. I do like to have a couple beers though. He didn’t drink at all, and those two beers on our first date were the only ones he’d had in years.
A fter about 6 weeks, we planned to go away for the weekend. I was looking forward to spending some quality time together. We hadn’t had an entire weekend together yet.
The destination was a couple hours away. As he drove, he would take hits off his vaping device from time to time. He was a good driver, and I couldn’t tell the difference between how he acted, or drove, when he was stoned, or not.
It was his birthday, so I wasn’t going to question his imbibing. We were celebrating! We got settled into the room, and he brought along a whole array of vaping paraphernalia. He not only smoked weed, or flower, but he did dabs, which is a concentrated cannabis extract, called wax (or shatter, or oil, or all kinds of other names).
Now, to smoke this dab stuff, it requires a rig and a blowtorch. Yeah, a blowtorch. You heat up the glass element, add the “wax” to the glowing-hot bowl, then inhale. It’s pretty freaky to the first-time observer, let me tell ya.
But it’s just pot. A different kind of pot, but no big whoop, right?
We had a fun night. When we got up the next morning, he immediately did some dabs. That shit is strong, and he did like five of them. Wow. Then off to breakfast we went!
He had the portable vaping device on him at all times, and would periodically (several times an hour) take a few tokes.
We had a good time that weekend. A few weeks later I inquired about his dabbing, particularly first thing in the morning, and he laughed it off saying he was celebrating his birthday that weekend, so may have smoked more than normal. Plus, he said he had just recently discovered dabbing (as opposed to regular weed), so he was having fun experimenting with that.
But the thing is, when he would stay overnight at my house, maybe one night a week, I would hear him firing up the torch, then the post-dab coughing — sometimes in the middle of the night, and always early in the morning. But hey, it’s the weekend!
He had a good job, but his employment history was spotty — including lots of year-long stints, and one longer stretch of unemployment. But he seemed solidly employed now.
We didn’t go out for fancy meals — not his thing. But we ate decent stuff, and usually at places where the food comes out fast. He didn’t like waiting, especially for dinner. It’s just kinda one of those things I had to accept about him.
He had a temper, and sometimes flew off the handle at things that were not that big of a deal. This was a problem. I would try to talk him out of whatever he was so mad about, but that would make it worse. I didn’t understand how a guy who was stoned all the time could be so angry.
But then five minutes later he’d be totally back to normal — stoned and jovial.
It had been three months, and I still had never been to his house. He was apprehensive about having me over, because he said it was too messy.
But it was time.
Um, it was awful, like hoarder awful. I was shocked, and he cried. We both cried. He promised to make it better, and clean it up. I said OK.
He had three cats. Not that there’s anything wrong with that, just sayin’.
He had no money and was in debt, despite having a good job, and now I could see why. A lot of the clutter in his house was good and valuable stuff — he wasn’t collecting coffee cans and cardboard boxes. He had electronics, camera equipment, guitars (17), and all kinds of expensive things. Oh, and lots of vaping devices.
Well, all that, plus the cost of the weed and dabs and state-of-the-art vaping devices took a good chunk of his paycheck.
I wasn’t going to go back to his house until it was cleaned up. This was becoming a problem, too, since he would just want to go home after work, and I certainly wasn’t going to hang out there. He wanted to retreat to where he was comfortable, to get stoned and hang out with his cats and watch TV.
W hat in the Hell did you see in this guy, you’re asking.
Well, on a shallow level, he was so attractive to me physically — a beautiful specimen of a man — and our intimate relationship was good.
On a deeper level, he was a devoted and caring person who had lifelong friends who loved him, and whom he loved. He had a good relationship with ex-girlfriends and old coworkers. He was a likeable guy, and would be the person to lean on in troubling times. He was friend and confidant to many.
He had a good heart, albeit the maturity level of a 13-year-old (the age he started smoking pot).
He was an animal lover, and my dog adored him.
But yeah, he was a fuck-up. Not a loser, but a fuck up.
And I loved him. Despite his, well, quirkiness.
I didn’t go back to his house for another six months, at which point things were only marginally better. And I think he did the bulk of the cleaning up the day before I came back for “re-inspection”.
And for six months, that was his excuse to not see me on Sundays, or earlier on a Saturday — because he had to clean. But I knew he was just getting stoned and sleeping the day away, or watching TV, or watching porn. Egads.
Now this is a guy who claimed to love me like he’d loved no other. He was done looking, and wanted to spend the rest of his life with me. But he just wasn’t particularly interested in hanging out with me. It was like we’re going to be together for the rest of our lives, why do we have to spend time together? Oy.
But he had plenty of time to hang out at his dealer’s house (an hour away), for several hours on a random weeknight. I do think he spent more time with his dealer than with me.
I tried to change him. And we all know how that works out. I went to Al-Anon. I went to a shrink for the first time in my life.
Oh, and did I mention we are no spring chickens? He was 55 when we met, and I was 53. I reckon nobody changes much at that age. And you’d think I’d know this at my advanced age, but nooo.
A nyway, we argued a lot. Mostly about him squandering our time together, or him showing up so stoned he was slurring his words. Or lying. Little white lies mostly, but lies just the same. I started questioning everything he told me.
He’d forget entire conversations we’d had just hours earlier. I told him we needed to start wearing police cameras to record all our conversations, since he would deny saying things that he just said. Crazymaking shit.
Our biggest argument was on our first Valentine’s Day together. Sparing y’all the details, suffice to say it was ugly, and he called me all kinds of horrible things. Pointing his finger at me while berating me, I just sat there and took it.
I should’ve broken up with him right then and there, but we had this trip planned (I know, silly reason to stay with an abusive addict), and it was non-refundable. I guess I really wanted to go to Paris and Amsterdam.
He brought a good supply of dabs with him on the plane (he researched how to do this and get through security), and slept during the entire flight (since he was as stoned as humanly possible upon boarding).
When we got to our room in Paris, he immediately went to imbibe and his vaping device was not working and he went insane. I was witnessing an addict needing a fix. He was yelling and throwing things and almost crying. Until he got the thing to work, then all was good. Ahhh.
I don’t think he had gone that long without getting stoned for goodness knows how long, I mean, it had been at least 14 hours since his last toke.
Minutes later we were taking a smiling selfie of the two of us by the Eiffel Tower to post on Facebook. We did look damn good together, I will say that.
By the time we got to Amsterdam, everything was hunky-dory, for obvious reasons. He had all the “coffee shops” mapped out, as this was his part of the vacation. Stoned 24/7, not that that was anything unusual.
We survived the trip.
B ack home things went back to normal. We talked about living together. But we’d have to get a new place, and I’d have to buy it (he’d pay rent). We were looking at a house in the suburbs.
He wanted to get married before we moved in, because, he reasoned, it would be harder to kick him out if we married. Sign me up for some of that. Not.
I told a friend — a very good, and smart friend — of the plan. She knew everything about me, and the relationship. She told me that I would be suicidal within six months if I moved in with him. And I knew she was right. So I didn’t.
Things got ugly after I pulled the plug on that. We’d break up and get back together. Lather, rinse, repeat.
I was conflicted — or maybe just afraid of being alone. Maybe I loved him. Maybe I still thought there was hope, and that he’d get it and change.
But it was wrong of me to ever expect him to change.
You see, he was more than just a stoner. He was an addict. He would rationalize that it was just pot, but it ruled his life — the procurement of, the partaking of, and the consequences of. Emphasis on that last part. Everything in his life revolved around getting stoned, and everything in his life was negatively affected by his habit.
The very end came on Thanksgiving Day in a fireball of an argument, where he almost killed both of us, as he drove like a madman while screaming and yelling at me. It was awful.
And it was over.
He made some really feeble attempts to contact me after a few weeks, but it wasn’t enough. After a few months he reached out to tell me he got fired from his job. I felt bad for him, and we talked.
I suppose now I’m another of his ex-girlfriends who he’s friends with. He gets the girl, or gets the job, but he ultimately messes up both of them because of the weed. Because of the addiction.
And don’t let anyone tell you it’s not an addiction. Especially the addict.
The craziest thing is, sometimes I still miss him. I suppose I have my own addiction — I’m addicted to addicts.
That, my friends, is what I struggle with. But I’m working on it.
In his online dating profile, he described himself as “quirky”, and his photos confirmed this self-assessment. He was educated, and had no spelling or grammatical errors in his profile — a rarity in…